Donaldim Trumphdadi, seen here giving praises to himself.
Wasting no time following the death of former leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the Islamic State today confirmed that they would be going with the horrifyingly obvious choice for a new commander. One who will complete their sworn mission of demolishing the United States of America, thus ushering in a collapse of both Western power and the fundamentalists sworn enemy: rock music, and the mass production of bikinis.
“We are pleased to announce that the successor in our fatwa on the modern democratic process, and obliteration of women’s rights in their entirety,” read the announcement, conveyed via the ISIS propaganda arm of Randy Quaid, “Is none other than Donaldim Trumphdadi.”
“Emir of Assholes, ” the release went on to say, “Caliph of Chaos, and, handily enough, President of the United States, he is the obvious choice, and we welcome him with open arms…
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